The world keeps changing on around me and within me. I feel if my live has completely changed on me. I just recently turned 30, I became an aunt, and I’m working the 9-5 lifestyle. I barely recognize my life anymore. It’s all a beautiful wonderful thing and I can feel some momentum behind me moving me forward. Then again maybe it’s all of this routine. My weekdays are locked into the same thing at the same time day after day after day. I haven’t had this kind of stringent routine since High School. It’s like a warm blanket. Slipping into it is comforting and content, though sometimes a little chaffing. Somehow life is easier now with everything being so structured and I feel better and happier.
I’m on this new path where I don’t plan out everything and suck the fun out of it by over thinking. I’m so good at that. I could suck the essence of a smile out of something, something that I love till I don’t love it. Why is it so difficult to find fun things to do? Shouldn’t this be easy and automatic? It’s hard, but I think it is boring and unsatisfying and I’m determined to change that. I can change things. I can do this. I search back through my life and remember things that I loved. For a time a loved photography, so much that I wanted to make a career out of it. I love looking close at something and finding something special about it, especially flowers. I know that’s crazy girly of me, but I love to explore why each individual flower is uniquely beautiful. I love great literature. I love a well written story. It’s hard for me to concentrate and read. My mind wants to wander. In fact I rarely read something entirely. I am Expert Skimmer! Sometimes I read out loud so that I’m forced to read every word. It also makes me sound like a lunatic, but I get the essence I miss skimming. Okay, that’s two things. We’re running with this. I’ll report back with more.
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