Today was nice.  I may be weird, but I just love being able to do things.  I had the vacuum out before 9am today.  I’m probably the only person who thinks that’s absolutely amazing.  It’s just that it’s been such a foreign thing in my life.  To just plan on doing things during the day and doing them without a long intense internal battle and some good old self hatred mixed in.  I think this is what life is supposed to be like.  I think this is how I could live my life and I smile writing that.  All of the sudden the world is an endless supply of possibilities and I’m just trying to orient myself into exploring them. 

I bumped my practice up to an hour today and that’s significant to me.  I started at 30 minutes in the middle of September.  Then I bumped it up to 45 minutes at the start of November and now with December I’m starting an hour.  The slow build up is actually really good for my hands from a muscular standpoint.  I’ve slowly and regularly been working to build back the muscles in my hands.  I imagine it’s similar to strength training.   Not to mention I’m making practicing a habitual thing in my life and I’m slowly seeing progress.  It’s taking longer than I’d like, but it is happening.  I suppose that’s what’s supposed to happen.  Now, I’m actually going back and reading an article my piano professor recommended (http://lifehacker.com/5939374/a-better-way-to-practice), which has me rethinking my entire approach to practicing period.  It’s smarter though and smarter is always better.  It’s all about maximizing your time and not striving to become a mindless practice zombie doing the same thing over and over.  How many pianists out there can boost impressive hours of practicing like mindless zombies?  Yeah, it sucks to admit.

I started this job in the Fine Jewelry department of a department store.  It’s only part-time, which I’m not pleased about, but they offered me a position and I wasn’t in the position to say no.  I’ve done this kind of commission sales work before, but the stacks are higher here.  I’m started to feel deficient, like I don’t know what I’m doing.  I hate feeling incompetent and stupid.  Sales is hard.  When I see someone is going to say no I let it go, because I think that’s the right thing to do.  I like respecting people’s wishes.  My employer does not agree with me.  So, I need to find a way to put this boundary respecting part of me aside and learn how to push and counter people’s objections.  There’s a part of me that likes pleasing people and this goes completely against that.  So, I’m nervous.  I’m worried that I could eventually get moved into a different department and then I’d go from commission to minimum wage.  Then I think this job would go from not my favorite to completely sucky. 

It’s time to get creative.  It’s time to come up with a solution.  Good thing my mood is high and I seem to be ready to do it.  Till next time!

Filed under: Updates