My pride’s taking a hit this week.  It’s hard to admit when you really can’t handle something.  When you know that you won’t be able to stop yourself from doing things that are actions you best interest.  Today’s example is a financial problem.  Something people don’t talk about when it comes to binge eating is how frickin’ expensive a habit is.  I can go through $400 on Fast Food and superfluous Grocery store visits a month.  I’m actually not going to get into how much frickin’ food that is, but that’s $400 I don’t have.  I have plans I want to get out of my parents’ house, I want to go back to school and neither of those plans involves me spending all the money I should be saving on food.  So, Friday I did the only thing I know to stop spending.

                About a year ago I set up an extra checking account with my Mom.  It has certain limitations attached to it such as I can’t withdraw from the account.  In fact despite the fact that it’s my money I only appear as a secondary on the account.  We originally established a system that I just restarted with my paycheck on Friday.  I get my check and then take care of any immediate expenses I have.  The rest of my check gets transferred into this joint account.  I also handed the one credit card I have over to my mother, so that I don’t start racking up food expenses on it because my checking account is empty.  It’s nerve wracking, because I have no money.  Already I can tell that I’m eating less and the financials are great.  The only money I’ve spent on food since Friday was one 20 ounce Coke. 

                This is such a crutch.  Right now I could not sustain this outside of this system and that’s frustrating.  My food issues seem to be taking forever to work through.  I just don’t want to sabotage my future plans while I’m working those issues.  Everything I want requires some basic savings.  My school and moving plans require more than that.  My point is that this doesn’t fix my food problem, and I know that, but it’s the best thing I’ve got right and I’m going with it.  I’m hoping I’ll be able to work through the dissociation and then come out integrated and able to handle food in a reasonably healthy fashion.

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